


Didn't expect that

by robron_til_the_end



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Family, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-09-28 02:04:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10065236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robron_til_the_end/pseuds/robron_til_the_end
Summary: Based on the upcoming spoilers. Rebecca has surprising news for Robert, I hate writing summaries! Eventual happy Robron ending.





	1. Chapter 1

“I’m pregnant.” Robert looked at Rebecca for a moment in complete silence. 

“Right, and what’s that got to do with me?” Robert said.

“I know you were seriously drunk, but don’t tell me you don’t remember,” Rebecca said.

“No,” Robert said simply. “It can’t be mine. It’s just not possible.”

“Do I need to teach you a biology lesson?” Rebecca asked in a falsely sweet voice.

The sheer blind white panic filled Robert’s body. “You’re getting rid of it right?” he asked.

“Robert, I get that this is a shock,” she said patiently. “But no, I am not getting rid of my child.”

“This’ll ruin your life. It’ll sure as hell ruin _mine!”_

“Robert, calm down,” Rebecca said.

“You sure it’s mine?”

“Yes,” she said. “I am sure.”

“You can’t… this can’t happen,” Robert spluttered.

“Look, I don’t want… I felt like I should tell you, because it’s fair for you to know,” Rebecca said. “If you don’t want Aaron to find out, if you want me to never mention your name again with this pregnancy, I can live with that. I’ll keep my mouth shut. I‘ll do it on my own.”

“How would that possibly ever work?!” Robert shouted. “We live in a village the size of a postage stamp! And like I could ever see… you with my… baby and not have it kill me?”

“I know you’re a good guy underneath it all,” Rebecca said sadly. “I want this baby. I’ve never really belonged anywhere, my family is… well, you know what they’re like. I want this. I’ve made the decision, and I’m honestly sorry that it’s going to wreck your life. But it doesn’t have to.”

“I can’t do that,” Robert said after a moments consideration. “I cannot have my child growing up thinking his father didn’t care. No matter how screwed up we are personally.”

“I thought you’d say that,” Rebecca said.

“Aaron will kill me,” Robert said simply. He’d known he was on dodgy ground with Aaron anyway, after sleeping with her. Which he was going to come clean about once Aaron was home from prison. But now there’d be a permanent reminder, and Robert honestly didn’t see him being forgiven for one drunken mistake. He’d quite probably lost the best thing in his life through a mixture of sheer loneliness and alcohol.

“I know he will,” Rebecca said. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, so am I,” Robert said. “Can hardly blame you completely though. We both know it was a mistake.”

“Yeah,” Rebecca agreed. “It was, but I think you calling Aaron’s name in the middle of it all really gave that away.”

“I didn’t,” Robert argued.

“You did,” she said. Robert rolled his eyes.

“You’re sure you’re pregnant?”

“Yes.”

“Shit,” Robert cursed under his breath.

“Yeah,” Rebecca said, patting his arm, trying to be reassuring. “Already been through all that.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for commenting on ch 1, I thought I'd be hunted down! Hope you "like" this chapter too.

“Aaron gets home on Wednesday!!” Chas almost squealed. “He’s got through his appeal.”

“That’s great,” Robert said, though he knew he didn’t sound convinced.

“Sound happier,” Chas said through gritted teeth. “Don’t you want to see your husband?”

“He told me in prison he didn’t want to see me any more,” Robert reminded her. “He told me it was over.”

“You know he didn’t mean it,” Chas said. “He’s scared and not being able to go home with you every visit was killing him.”

“I know,” he said. “But…” Robert sighed. He’d thought about nothing else since Rebecca had dropped her bombshell. “But Aaron is not going to want to be anywhere around me when he gets back.”

“Of course he will,” Chas dismissed. “He’s in love with you.”

“He won’t want to be around me because I can’t lie to him. And I don’t _want_ to lie to him either.”

Chas sat down, studying him. “What have you done?”

“I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life,” Robert said sincerely.

“Oh God.”

“Remember about a month ago,” Robert started. “Aaron told me he was taking me off his visitors list and I…”

“Completely fell apart and stole my whisky stock in the pub,” Chas said. “Yeah, I remember.”

“I was drunk,” Robert said. “And miserable, and I thought I’d never get Aaron back and happy the way we were before. I didn’t think.”

“Robert…”

“I slept with Rebecca.” Chas’s face fell and she looked horrified. “Before you slap me, you’ve not heard the worst.”

“Which is…?”

“She’s pregnant.” The urge to slap Robert was there, he could see it, but she didn’t. “And absolutely nothing you could say to me could make me feel any worse right now.”

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kick you out of my house,” Chas said darkly.

“Because one thing I know I have to do is tell Aaron myself. I’m many things, but I’m not a coward. And he deserves to hear it from me, rather than from the village gossip. You know he does.” Chas didn’t argue that.

“It’ll be over between you two,” Chas warned him.

“I know,” Robert said sadly. “I love him so much, and it was a mistake.”

“Then why did you do it?!”

“Have you ever slept with anyone you regretted?” Robert snapped. He knew he’d screwed up, he didn’t need Chas to tell him that. “It was a huge mistake influenced by whisky. I realise I’ve pissed my life away. Do you think there‘s any possibility he‘ll forgive me?”

Chas scoffed. “I doubt it. But even if he does, Liv won’t.”

“Oh God,” Robert said. He hadn’t given Liv much thought at all, not with relation to this. “How could I have messed up this badly?” Chas didn’t answer.

* * *

 

Aaron came into the back room a few days later, looking tired but smiling. Robert couldn’t put into words how relieved he was to see him, still in one piece and happy. Though he knew he himself was about to crush that, and he hated himself for it. Aaron threw his arms around Robert, clutching him tightly and Chas left them alone, though she didn’t look happy.

“How are you?” Robert asked into his shoulder.

“Fine,” Aaron said. “Or I will be. Need a shower, need… yeah.” Aaron forced a smile, then kissed Robert. Robert let him, trying to enjoy it, trying to appreciate it. Because in five minutes, Aaron would hate him.

“What’s wrong?” Aaron asked him.

“Nothing.”

“Robert, are we going to go round in circles?”

“Okay,” Robert said. “Sit down.” Aaron narrowed his eyes, but did as he asked, waiting.

“Aaron, you’re going to hate me. Just…” he sighed.

“What’ve you done?”

“Why do you say that?” Robert asked defensively.

“You’ve got that guilty look on your face,” Aaron said. “Just tell me, then I can get on with having a shower and a pint.”

“Okay. Rebecca’s pregnant.”

“Right?” Aaron said easily, not following. “That was important enough to stop my first pint in months, was it?”

“Aaron…” Robert said, forcing calmness. He looked at Robert, and then it clicked.

“Tell me you didn’t,” Aaron said darkly.

“It was only once,” Robert said. “I know that’s what people say, but it really was.”

“That’s what you said to Chrissie when she found out you were sleeping with me,” Aaron said bitterly. “How long? How long have I been being a complete idiot in trusting you?”

“Aaron, I’m so sorry,” Robert said, meaning it.

“You slept with her? You got her pregnant and you’re telling me this now!!”

“I didn’t want you to find out from anyone else,” Robert said.

“Oh, so how many other people know!” Aaron shouted. “Am I the complete laughing stock of the village?!”

“No,” Robert said, trying to keep hold of his temper. He was so far in the wrong here he knew he didn’t have a leg to stand on. But he also knew when Aaron’s temper burnt out, he’d turn to tears and Robert didn’t want to leave him alone when he was like that.

“Get out, Robert,” Aaron said. “Just leave.

“I’m your husband.”

“Who promised me he’d be faithful, Robert!” Aaron shouted.

“Well, when you’re throwing me out of prison visiting, so I can’t even see you, it doesn’t help Aaron!”

“Oh, this is my fault, is it?” Aaron asked. “I made you crawl into bed with your ex.”

“I was drunk and upset,” Robert said. “And no, it’s not your fault. I made a huge, huge mistake.”

“Damn right,” Aaron said. “So did I, trusting you.”

“Aaron, I love you.”

“No,” Aaron said, shaking his head. “If you’d loved me, you’d never have done that. You know how I feel about her and you didn’t care.”

“Everyone makes mistakes when they’re drunk,” Robert said. “Everyone. Last time you were pissed, you punched Kasim into the road.”

“Yes, Robert, I remember,” he said through gritted teeth. “Not like I’ve not been punished for that one though, is it?” Aaron tried to move past him, and Robert stopped him.

“Aaron, don’t do this, don’t shut me out.”

“Did you see any version of this conversation that I wouldn’t chuck you out?” Aaron asked.

“No,” Robert said honestly, sadly. “But I hoped.”

“I missed you so much,” Aaron said, voice breaking. “And I come home, thinking I could finally have you, and you welcome me home with this?”

“Aaron…”

“I’m having a shower,” he said, shaking his head. “When I’m finished, you better have got your stuff out of here. Otherwise I’m going to be done for another gbh charge.”

Robert knew him well enough to know that the best thing for Aaron was time to calm down. But he felt pretty sure he’d lost Aaron anyway, and nothing had hurt him more.  
When Aaron left, Liv stood at the open door, having been listening to every word. Her eyes were wide and she looked horrified.

“Liv…” Robert started.

“How could you?”

“Liv, it’s not… I’ve not been having an affair and…” She lashed out at him, hitting his chest until he grabbed her, to stop her from doing it. “Liv, Liv, calm down.”

“Calm down?!” she hissed at him. “I thought you were better than that.”

“So did I,” Robert said sadly.

“Aaron will never forgive this,” Liv said.

“I really hope you’re wrong.” Though Robert didn’t think so. He thought Liv had hit the nail right on the head.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't plan to write this much today, but I clearly want to get them out of this hole I've written them into. Thank you to those giving this fic a chance! :) I hope I've got Aaron right here...

Aaron took a very long shower, trying to pretend like he wasn’t crying. He had a lot of plans for when he got out of prison, most of the immediate ones involving Robert in their bed. But that stupid man hadn’t been able to have the patience. Hadn’t been able to wait for him to be free. As soon as his back was turned, Robert had gone off with Rebecca. Had he even waited until he was completely sober after their wedding? Or had he just gone straight to her, because he knew she’d have him?

And just once. Like Aaron was supposed to believe that. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew exactly how often Robert had cheated on Chrissie, because it had all been with him. Robert was capable of cheating as many times as he liked when his significant other wasn’t around or wasn’t paying attention. And Aaron knew it. It was his own stupid fault, for trusting Robert in the first place. He’d been rational enough to know that he’d get his heart broken. He just hadn’t anticipated it quite this quickly.

When he got out of the shower and rubbed away the steamed up mirror, he saw that he was red eyed. He hadn’t even been fully aware that he’d been crying. He hurriedly dressed, and hoped Robert had left. When he got downstairs, he found Chas sitting at the kitchen table.

“Hiya love,” she said in a falsely bright voice.

“You know, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Chas said, dropping the fake smile. “Robert told me last week.”

“Is he here?”

“No,” she said quietly. “At Vic’s, I think.”

“Wait,” Aaron said, sitting down. “He told you last week? And you let him stay here? Are you crazy?!”

“I’m not happy,” Chas said. “Far from it. But he wanted to be… man enough to tell you himself. I couldn’t really argue with that. It‘s not like you‘d have taken it better from me, is it?”

“I want the truth,” Aaron said. “And I know he’s a good liar. How long has it been going on for? You must have noticed. How long has he been sneaking away to see her?”

Chas looked blank. “Did he tell you it was an affair?” she asked quietly, frowning at that.

“Of course it’s an affair,” Aaron said.

“No, he said just once,” Chas continued.

“Oh, and you believed him?” Aaron asked. “Because Robert is so trust worthy, isn’t he?”

“Aaron, he’s been devastated,” Chas said. “I’m not on his side, for one second, but you didn’t see how hurt he was when you rescinded his visiting rights.”

“Oh, yeah, he sounds really broken up about it,” Aaron said sarcastically. “So upset he decided he’d go and sleep with the woman I know he’s wanted for ages. Perfect solution.”

“Aaron, don’t…”

“Don’t what? My marriage is over after a little over twenty four free hours. What exactly am I supposed to not do?!”

“Don’t do anything _stupid,”_ Chas said, like it was obvious.

“Is Adam in the bar? I need a drink.” Aaron didn’t wait for an answer, going through to the pub. He saw Adam, the usual smile on his face. And even though the name _Robert_ was pounding through his head, it was good to see his best mate and he hugged him.

“Drink?” Adam suggested.

“Yes,” Aaron said fervently.

“Before you say anything, I don’t know what’s happened,” Adam said. “But Robert rocked up at ours not long ago.”

“Tell you what, I’ll have a drink with you if you don’t mention his name. Not tonight.”

“Fine!” Adam said holding his hands up. “Darts?”

“Perfect,” Aaron said. Throwing a sharp metal object was exactly what he was in the mood for. Preferably at Robert’s face, but beggars couldn’t be choosers.

* * *

 

“Um… didn’t Aaron get released today?” Vic asked tentatively, sitting opposite Robert in her living room.

“Yes,” Robert said. “And I have really fucked it all up.”

“Already?” she asked, making Robert glare at him from above his whisky glass. “I can’t help if you don’t talk to me.”

“You can’t help anyway,” Robert said. “I’ve really made a mess of things.”

“Adam and I won’t want to choose sides,” she said, very carefully. “But you’re my brother and I need you to tell me what’s going on.” 

“Okay,” Robert said. It’d come out sooner or later anyway. “I slept with Rebecca.” What he hadn’t expected was the slap stinging his cheek. “Vic!”

“You total and complete idiot!” she shouted. “What the hell is wrong with you!”

“I know,” Robert said, taking a sip of whisky.

“I feel like I should chuck that over you,” Vic said, nodding at the glass. “And I’m guessing you’re here because you told Aaron?! Why would you do that?”

“I couldn’t lie to him,” Robert said instantly. “And I’m not stupid, I know I shouldn’t have done it.”

“Then why did you?” Vic said. “I don’t care how good she is in bed, was she really worth throwing Aaron away? You know he’s the best thing to happen in your entire life, and it takes me to say it?!”

“I was drunk,” Robert said. “Aaron had just told me he didn’t want to see me again. He was taking me off his list of visitors and I wouldn’t get to see him for another ten months at that point, and I was losing my mind. I’m not saying it was my best decision….”

“Oh you’re not?” she asked sarcastically.

“Vic, trust me,” he said sincerely, trying to make her understand. “I am aware that I have messed up spectacularly. I know I’m in the wrong, but I had to be honest with him. And there’s something else. A bigger problem.”

“What could be worse than you sleeping with the person your husband always feared you would?” Vic asked. Robert looked at her, a sibling look and Vic sighed. “She isn’t… no, it’s _you,_ so of course she is.”

“Pregnant,” Robert confirmed. “The look on Aaron’s face…” Both of them fell into silence, but Vic could tell from Robert’s complete broken stance that anything she said would simply bounce off of him. He was already telling himself the things she’d just shouted at him. Vic topped up his whisky glass as a kind of peace offering.

“Well,” Vic said quietly. “When you decide to screw up your life, you certainly make sure you do a proper job of it.” Robert huffed out a laugh with no humour in it at all.

“Yeah. I’ve managed that.”

* * *

 

Aaron hadn’t slept well. His bed at the pub smelt of Robert, and he adored the scent of him, what he‘d spent weeks turning over in his pathetic bed in prison wishing to smell. Until he remembered exactly why he shouldn’t. Because Robert was a liar and a cheat. And while he’d been trapped in prison, he’d been off getting some beautiful, wealthy woman pregnant. Any time that thought occurred to him, Aaron groaned and rolled over. He dozed, but it was much more comfortable than his prison mattress, so there was that.

In the morning, Aaron had made one decision. He grabbed his car keys from the kitchen and started up his car, enjoying the novelty of it for a few seconds before driving up to Home Farm. If he thought about it for long enough, he’d change his mind. Because there were a lot of reasons he shouldn’t be doing this. But he was too hurt to reconsider it. He drove up the drive and rang the bell, wondering absently what he’d say if someone else answered. Luckily he didn’t have to deal with that problem, as Rebecca answered, looking tired and wrapped in a dressing gown as it was still early.

“Hi Aaron,” she said.

Aaron took a step towards her, to go into the house and Rebecca jumped backwards, looking scared. “What?” Aaron asked.

“Sorry,“ she said. “I…You’ve just got out of prison for gbh, and I must be right at the top of your list of people you’d like to get rid of,” Rebecca said, eyes wide. 

“I’m not going to hurt a pregnant woman,” Aaron said, offended that she’d even think it. “Come off it.”

“Right,” she said. She stepped outside the house and closed the door. “Chrissie doesn’t know yet.”

“Know what?” Aaron asked innocently. “That you’re pregnant with her ex husbands baby? Now, why would that be an awkward conversation?”

Rebecca sighed. “What do you want?”

“How long?” Aaron asked. “How long were you screwing him?”

“What?” Rebecca asked, frowning. The innocent look didn’t suit her.

“Was it going on when we were getting married?” Aaron asked coldly. “Before? And I was too naïve and blind and I trusted him?”

“We haven’t been having an affair,” Rebecca said. “What the hell has Robert been telling you?”

“Of course you have,” Aaron said. “Bet you were laughing when I got a twelve month sentence. Sorry I got out early and spoiled your fun. He could have strung me along for a lot longer.”

“Aaron, it was once,” Rebecca said. “I am so sorry,” she said, seeming sincere.

“If you weren’t pregnant, would you have told me?” Aaron asked. “That you slept with him?”

“No,” Rebecca said instantly. “Because it meant nothing, and I know that for both of us, it was… hazy at best. We were seriously drunk.”

“Then why did you do it? He’s married. Or was that just an added challenge?”

“Because I was lonely, and… it’s not very nice, but he was there. And he desperately missed you and found me instead. It’s not a healthy combination when mixed with alcohol, Aaron.”

Aaron sighed. He didn’t know why he‘d come here, what kind of answer he was expecting to get. “You can have him,” Aaron said eventually.

“I don’t want him,” Rebecca said. “I never wanted him, I wanted the man who’s not here any more. Because you changed him.”

“Clearly not enough,” Aaron said, shaking his head. “Congratulations, by the way.”

Rebecca sighed. "Thanks, I guess." Aaron turned away and walked to his car. Coming here had been a mistake.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one, but hopefully better than nothing. Massive thank you to those who're sticking with this!! :)

“Didn’t really get to say hello to you, did I?” Aaron said when he got home, giving Liv a tight hug. It went on for longer than it should.

“Did Robert really sleep with her?” Liv asked when they parted.

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “Don’t hate him, I hate him enough for both of us.” They both knew he was lying.

“How could he do that?!” Liv asked.

“Hey, this is not your problem,” Aaron said firmly, hands on her shoulders reassuringly. “Don’t worry about it.”

“How can I not worry? He’s the one who’s been doing up the house!”

Oh. Aaron had forgotten about that. “We’ll sort it,” Aaron settled on instead.

“How?”

“I don’t know, Liv,” Aaron said. “We just will.” Though she had brought up a good point. He’d need to have a conversation with Robert. And in spite of his best efforts, something deep inside of him wanted to talk to Robert, even if it ended in shouting.

* * *

 

Aaron knocked on Vic’s door and she answered it cheerfully enough. “Is he here?”

“Yeah,” she said. “And he told me.” Aaron only answered by raising his eyebrows. “If I let you in will you promise not to break anything too valuable?”

“How about breaking your brothers head?” Aaron suggested.

“Oh, I’m with you there,” she said. “I have to offer him a bed to sleep on, he’s my brother, but… I can’t believe what he did, so God knows how you feel.”

“Hi.” Robert appeared behind Victoria, having heard Aaron’s voice and Vic cleared her throat.

“I should go. Adam’s at work," she added, making it clear they were alone. “Don’t destroy my house.” She moved out of the door frame and left them alone.

“You want to talk?” Robert asked hopefully.

 _“Need_ to talk,” Aaron said instead. He went into Vic’s living room, pleased they were doing this somewhere they didn’t have particular history. Robert sat opposite him, perching on the arm chair.

“So…” Robert started.

“Liv’s asking questions about what we’re going to do with the house,” Aaron started, looking at his hands. Noticing for the first time he was wearing his wedding ring. He hadn’t had it in prison for so long, but once he was released he’d put it straight back. He’d barely noticed it since the bombshell was dropped on him, but now he was twisting it around his finger. A habit he would have to stop.

“Aaron, we don’t have to be over,” Robert said. Aaron let out a humourless laugh, still looking at his hands.

“It wouldn’t have been if you hadn’t decided to screw someone else,” Aaron said darkly. “Look, I’m not here to argue. It’s over, we both know that. I need… we need to make a decision what we’re doing with that house.”

“Do you want to live there?” Robert asks quietly.

Aaron sighed, still looking down. “I guess,” he said. “It is too crowded in the pub and I did want a stable home for Liv, but… it feels almost tainted.”

“It’s your house,” Robert said. “It was yours and Liv’s money that bought it. You can live there without me.” The words _without me_ make Robert feel completely cold.

“But you did all the renovations,” Aaron said. “It hardly seems right. I mean, I’ve not even seen it as more than scaffolding.” Aaron jerks upward when Robert throws him the keys.

“Have a look,” Robert said simply. “If you like it, take it. If you don’t, sell it.”

“What, that simple?”

“It’s ours,” Robert said, seeming incredibly sad. “It was meant for us, and I’m the one who seriously screwed up. I don’t get a say in what happens to it.”

“What happened to money grabbing Robert?” Aaron asked, frowning. “When you were divorcing Chrissie, it was all about the money.”

“But we’re real,” Robert said, his eyes boring into Aaron’s with an intimacy he wasn’t entirely comfortable with. “Aaron, it doesn’t have to be over.”

“Do you know how long it took me to trust you again?” Aaron asked. “After how you treated me when you were with Chrissie? You could have gone to anyone for a quick screw. Why did it have to be those Whites? You can’t let go of them.”

Robert had nothing to say to that. Aaron looked at his hand and slowly started tugging his ring off. “Aaron, don’t,” Robert started, panicking.

“I have to,” Aaron said emotionlessly. “Take it.”

“No.”

“You gave it to me. I’m giving it back,” Aaron said quietly, honestly. Not with any anger because this wasn’t to hurt Robert, this was because it was the right thing to do.

“I’m not taking it,” Robert said. “It belongs to you.”

“Take it, or I’m throwing it back in the lake,” Aaron said. Then regretted it, seeing Robert flinch at the words. Whatever had happened lately, Robert had saved his life back then. And he didn’t value his life so little that he was ungrateful for that. Aaron put it on the coffee table and they both looked at the circle of metal which meant so much.

“I’m sorry,” Robert said.

“I know you are,” Aaron said. “There won’t…” he cleared his throat uncomfortably, but carried on anyway. “There won’t be another you for me. You’re it, you’re the only chance I had for a little bit of normal, a little bit of happy. Should have known it wouldn’t last.”

“Aaron, I want to fix this. Tell me what to do to fix this, please. I can barely even remember it, it didn’t matter.”

“Does to me.” Aaron got up to leave. Coming here was a mistake. 

“Aaron, please.” Robert put his hand on Aaron’s arm to stop him and in spite of himself, the touch was electric. Neither man knew quite how it happened, but they found themselves hugging. Aaron couldn’t let go of him, because he knew this was the last time he’d get to touch Robert. Robert might have betrayed his trust, but that didn’t mean his arms didn’t still feel incredible. It didn’t mean he wasn’t going to miss him. Aaron breathed in the scent of him, needing to commit something of this to memory, burying his face in Robert‘s neck. Last time they hugged like this it was goodbye for a time. Now it’s goodbye for an awful lot longer and when Aaron broke the hug, he was crying, the goodbye too much for him.

“Aaron, if this isn’t what you want…” Robert started, near to tears himself.

“I wanted you faithful,” Aaron said, shrugging. “But I can’t always get what I want.” Aaron took a step back and then he was gone.


	5. Chapter 5

Time passed slowly, and Aaron and Liv decided to move into the Mill. It had been the plan all along, and they were living crammed in in the pub which was less than comfortable. A bit more space was welcome, and actually, the Mill held less memories of Robert than the pub did. The back room was where they reunited, their bedroom where they’d spent countless hours in the darkness, laughing, crying and enjoying each other repeatedly. At least in the Mill, Robert’s ghost wasn’t there quite so much.

Liv had been quiet for a few weeks until she’d reverted to her usual spiky self, letting Aaron know he was doing something right, making things as normal for her as possible. Though she might not admit it, she missed Robert too. Aaron got back to work with Adam, doing a lot of the heavy lifting. Robert was not mentioned between them, but otherwise it went back to before. Things between them were still upbeat and their friendship was a good distraction from the fact that Aaron’s heart had been utterly broken.

One day, Adam and Aaron were walking to the café from work, having lunch (but really skiving). They saw Rebecca in the middle of the street, having a shouting match with Chrissie. It didn’t take much imagination to work out what they were arguing about. Clearly Rebecca had finally been honest about the father of her baby. Not that Chrissie really needed much excuse to create a drama out of anything. Aaron stopped walking, unsure about how to get out of this without drawing more attention to himself.

“Come on,” Aaron said to Adam lowly. “I want a bacon sarnie.” They shuffled off to the café, the back of Aaron’s neck red. The shouting had stopped and he knew both women were watching him. He tried not to care.

They were waiting for their food when Rebecca came in, obvious she’d been crying.

“Aaron…” she started.

“No, I’m not interested,” Aaron tried.

“You left him,” she said.

“Was I supposed to put up with him going to you every time he got bored with me?” Aaron asked acidly.

“Maybe you should give it some time,” Adam advised her.

“Aaron, don’t blame him forever,” Rebecca said.

“Well we have a really great reminder of what Robert did, don’t we?” Aaron said, looking at her stomach pointedly. He took the sandwich Bob gave him and was at the door when he almost literally bumped into Robert.

“Hi,” Robert said, automatically. Then looked at Rebecca and could feel the tension in the room, as well as the fact that all the customers were looking at them.

“Don’t,” Aaron said to Robert. “Just don’t.”

“Aaron, come on.”

“No, leave me alone.” Aaron left and Robert sighed as he looked at Rebecca.

“He’s really hurt,” Adam said to Robert.

“I know that!” Robert snapped. “I can’t fix this, I need him to at least meet me halfway.”

“Good luck with that,” Adam said, going after his best mate.

“I was actually looking for you,” Rebecca said.

“I don’t have much to say,” Robert said coldly He still felt a little bit bitter about this, even when he knew it was fifty fifty. But Rebecca’s pregnancy was a permanent reminder of what he’d done and she was starting to show. Making it that much harder for Robert to even try to get Aaron to talk to him, let alone forgive him.

“This isn’t entirely my fault,” Rebecca said, reading him well. “I have a scan on Tuesday if you want to come.”

“Yes,” Robert said quickly. “I do want to be there.”

“Ten thirty,” she said.

“Great,” Robert said unenthusiastically. At the moment, this baby wasn’t real. Rationally he knew he was going to be a father, but right now it was just a permanent problem he wished would go away. Maybe seeing the scan would change that. Either way, he was glad Rebecca had told him. He had every intention of being a better father than his own was.

* * *

 

Vic opened the door of her house, surprised to see Aaron there. “Hi. Robert’s not here.”

“Good,” Aaron said. “Because I want to talk to you. Have you got five minutes? Go for a walk or something?” She looked at him and had known Aaron well enough to realise that he wanted more than a conversation about work or the weather and nodded.

“Let me turn the oven off.”

“No, I don’t want to interrupt, it’s fine,” Aaron said, shrugging his shoulders. But Vic had already gone, coming back with her coat and a smile.

“Come on then,” she said brightly. Aaron didn’t argue because he needed to talk to someone and he knew Vic was the person who might possibly understand how he was feeling, what he was going through. His feet took him to the little footbridge, and he stopped, looking over the river.

“Spit it out,” Vic said.  
Aaron still looked at the water, unsure as to how this was going to go. “How did you forgive Adam?” he asked. “When he slept with Vanessa and got her pregnant. Or you all thought it was his baby, how did you get your head around that and forgive him?”

Vic didn’t answer straight away, standing next to her friend. “I wanted my life with him in it,” she said eventually. “It was a mistake, I knew that and… well, my mistake felt much bigger because when I was upset I ran over Ashley! At least he didn’t kill anyone.”

“Mm,” Aaron said distantly.

"Seeing her around wasn't easy," Vic said, reading his mind.

"No, it's not easy," Aaron agreed quickly.

“You love Robert,” Vic said. “I know you do. More importantly, he’s madly in love with you too. He messed up, he knows that better than anyone. But you’re both in pain, and I hate seeing the pair of you like this.”

“How am I meant to forgive him?” Aaron asked. “I know he wants her. And even if he said all the right things, which he’s good at, you know he’s good at the sweet talking bit… if I took him back tomorrow, how could I ever trust him?”

“I’m not going to lie, the trust takes work,” Vic said, looking at her hands. “I love Adam. And I knew he’d made a mistake, one which if he repeated I’d have cut his balls off.” Aaron let out a slight smile at that.

“Okay, Robert wasn’t sleeping,” Vic said. “He couldn’t sleep without either pills or booze. He was running on empty for a long time. Then you told him to stop visiting…”

“I was on drugs, Vic,” Aaron said darkly. “I needed something to cope with it all, I didn’t mean what I said.”

“Which I told him,” Vic said. “I’ve never seen him look so utterly broken. Look, I’m not telling you to forgive him,” Vic said. “I’m saying this isn’t the same as the other times he cheated.”

“Yeah, because this time she’s pregnant,” Aaron said darkly. Vic looked upset and Aaron put his arm around her. “Maybe you’ve got more forgiveness in you than I have, Vic.”

“Maybe,” she said.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Turquoise Terrier for advice and help on this chapter. Hope you enjoy!

Robert’s sat in the hospital waiting room, surrounded by happy couples and obviously pregnant mothers and he hated it. This should not be how fatherhood went for him.

“You’re still wearing your wedding ring,” Rebecca observed from next to him, having given up reading her glossy magazine.

“I’m not ready to give up on him yet,” Robert said. He also failed to mention that he kept Aaron’s wedding ring on a chain around his neck. He wanted it safe and as Aaron refused to wear it… well, no one could see it under his shirt anyway.

“Do you love him?”

“More than anything in the world,” Robert said honestly.

“More than Chrissie?”

Robert scoffed. They weren’t even comparable, not in any real sense. Because Aaron had every single part of him, he knew everything about him. He didn’t really feel completely human without him, and hadn’t when he was in prison either. “A lot more.”

“Rebecca White?” They both got up and followed the nurse to the examination room in a not exactly friendly silence.

“Right, I’m Doctor Carter, I’ll be examining you today. I’ve been given your medical notes here Miss White and…

“I’m worried about something,” Rebecca interrupted, making Robert turn his attention to her. She hadn’t spoke of any concerns before the appointment, not to him anyway. “I’ve been pregnant before, but I lost it and I was wondering if that would have any effect on this one.”

Robert stared at her in amazement. “You’ve miscarried?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Robert asked.

“None of your business,” Rebecca said. “And no, to your next question. She wasn’t yours. Before I met you.”

“Right, there’s no indication that a previous miscarriage would have any effect on this pregnancy,” the doctor said, interrupting their conversation. This had helped Robert to understand, though. No wonder an abortion wasn’t even considered. It’s no surprise that it’s an option she wouldn’t even contemplate, if she’d lost one baby already. Robert remembered his outburst when she’d first told him she was pregnant. _“You’re getting rid of it right?!”_ God, that must have sounded so callous and awful in retrospect.

“Okay, if you can lift your top, I’ll set the machine up.” Rebecca revealed her stomach, but she was focusing on the machine with single minded attention, even as the doctor put the gel on her stomach. She was starting to show a little, Robert noticed. He also felt like he shouldn’t be here. She wasn’t his partner, this was just some woman he’d turned to when he was at a particularly low ebb. And now all this? Before Robert could think further down that route, a rapid thudding filled the room, the baby’s heartbeat. Neither of them could see anything that made sense on the screen, not yet.

“Everything’s okay?” Rebecca asked warily.

“Yep, exactly what I like to see,” the doctor said cheerfully. “I’m just checking… yes, here we are.” Then they could see the shape of a baby on the screen. Robert had no idea what to say. The world hadn’t shifted, it hadn’t all made sense now he could see his child. He half wanted it to, because then at least he’d have given Aaron up for someone that mattered. Rebecca on the other hand was glowing. She seemed so relieved that every thing was okay, for which Robert could hardly blame her. He took her hand.

“Every things okay,” he said. Though it wasn’t, not by a long stretch.

* * *

 

Robert propped up the bar at the Woolpack for the rest of the day. He was not in the right frame of mind to be doing any work, so he’d sat in the pub for most of the day once he’d got home from the maternity unit of the hospital. Chas didn’t criticise him or really say anything at all. Just took the money as she kept refilling his whisky glass. Robert kept brooding. He had an ultrasound picture in his jacket, burning a hole in his pocket.

It was eight in the evening, which wasn’t particularly late, but as Robert had been drinking all day he was hammered. He could hear Chas talking to Vic, telling him to get him home, but he didn’t want to move.

“He’s twice my size, I can’t drag him home!” Vic said. _Good_ , Robert thought. He was fine sitting here drinking whisky.

“Come on.” Robert wasn’t aware of how it happened, but Aaron’s there, half dragging him out the door. Robert allowed his feet to follow because for the first time in months Aaron’s actually touching him.

“Keys,” Aaron grunted.

“Why you helping me?” Robert slurred as they moved down the street to Vic‘s.

“I’m not,” Aaron said. “You were making the place look untidy and mum wanted you out of there. I’m doing her and Vic a favour.” That was far too many words for Robert to make sense of in his inebriated state. “Keys.”

Robert put his hand in his jeans pocket and Aaron took over, grabbing the keys. “Miss you,” Robert said as they paused on the doorstep. Robert’s not certain, but he thought he heard Aaron say “miss you too.” But it was quiet and he’s drunk, so he wasn’t entirely sure.

The next thing Robert knew, he was falling onto the sofa. “I am not hauling your arse up the stairs,” Aaron said. “Enjoy the back ache.”

“Stay,” Robert said, hauling himself upright so he was sitting rather than lying down.

“I can’t.”

“You could,” Robert said. “Wan' you.”

“Sure you don’t want her?”

“It was n’thing,” Robert said. “Just a… mess so I didn’t feel s’alone. 

“You weren’t the only one lonely, Robert.”

“I’m not me without you,” Robert said, eyes wide. “She’s the same as everyone else. Borin'. Dull. You’re the only one…”

“Stop,” Aaron said firmly. Though he couldn’t deny hearing these things felt incredibly good. He knew Robert’s defences were significantly lowered when he was drunk, it was usually when the truth came out. He didn’t have his wits about him enough to keep lying and manipulating when he was like this. And Chas had said he’d polished off most of a bottle of whisky on his own during the day.

“How long was it going on for?” he asked. He couldn’t resist.

“Three months,” Robert said, making Aaron‘s heart stop. “That’s how long you ‘n prison for. So lonely. Still am lonely.”

“That wasn’t my question. How long was the affair going on for? With Rebecca.” Aaron continued, clarifying what he meant.

“Twenty minutes? No… pr’bably wasn’t even that. I lost you for s’thing that never meant anything at all.” Robert’s slipping into morose and depressed now and Aaron’s heart aches for him. How the hell is it in him that he still cares? _Just because he hurt you, doesn’t mean you instantly stop loving him_ , a nasty honest voice deep inside him says. If Aaron’s being brutally honest with himself, he knows a part of him will always be hung up on Robert, unable to let him go, whatever happens in his life. He was entwined with him far too much, had helped him get through the trial with Gordon, and Aaron knew he wouldn’t even be here to argue it if it wasn’t for Robert. Aaron spoke without really considering it. “We planned an entire life together. That doesn’t go away because you were a prat.”

“I was a prat,” Robert said, in his slow drunk voice. “I admit it. Insult me all you like. Total prat. Complete and utter prat.” In his drunken state, Robert seemed to like that word, and Aaron agreed with him.

“Good,” Aaron said fervently and he laughed at Robert’s pout. Aaron knew he shouldn’t be laughing.

“Were there others?” Aaron asked, reminding himself why he shouldn’t be humouring Robert.

“Other what?” Robert asked, frowning.

“People you’ve slept with that I don’t know about,” Aaron said. “You had to tell me about Rebecca, couldn’t not notice a baby could I? Were there others?”

“No,” Robert said. His eyes were honest and instinctively Aaron knew he wasn’t lying. “You. Always you.” The thing is, that’s clearly not true. But Aaron had enough doubt in him that when Robert moved towards him, Aaron didn’t move away, feeling Robert’s lips against his own.

“Robert…” Aaron breathed. Then Aaron realised he couldn’t help himself. Robert was here and wanting and Aaron hadn’t been kissed in months, excluding one reacquainting kiss when he got out of prison. Aaron threw himself into a passionate, messy, delicious kiss. God, he tasted good, even with whisky mixed in. Aaron had missed this, he’d missed his kisses so much. Even drunk, Robert knew exactly what turned him on, almost by a habit by now, by instinct. Then Aaron’s brain kicked in. This was wrong, he didn’t have him, Robert had made sure of that.

“No…” Aaron started, the word swallowed by Robert’s lips as he moved for another kiss. “No.” Aaron pulled back, breathing heavily. Robert looked disappointed. “I can’t. Because I’m worth more than just being picked up and thrown away when you feel like it.”

“What?” Aaron realised Robert was too far gone to pick up on the subtleties of why he was saying no.

“Goodnight, Robert.” Aaron got up and left, ignoring the fact that his lips felt wonderfully bruised and just how much he loved that.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found this chapter so easy to write, so clearly Robert and Liv interaction is my thing! Thank you so so much for the encouragement on this so far.

Robert knew he needed to apologise. He shouldn’t have relied on Aaron like that last night, and he certainly shouldn’t have thrown himself at him. He couldn’t remember everything, but enough to know that Aaron shouldn’t have had to have put up with him like that. He went around to Mill cottage and knocked. Liv answered.

“Oh, it’s you,” she said with a scowl.

“Yeah, I know you don’t like me much,” Robert started.

“Much?” she said.

“Is Aaron here? I need to talk to him.”

“No, he’s not here. And even if he were, I’d still slam the door in your face.” She moved to close it, but Robert stopped her.

“Liv, I’m sorry,” he said sincerely. “Where is he? I need to talk to him. Actually, why aren’t you at school?” The guilt filled her face and Robert knew he’d found an ace. “Can I come in?”

“Fine,” she huffed. “Not going to tell Aaron I’m skiving?”

“I’ll think about it,” Robert said. Liv rolled her eyes, but let him in anyway, and Robert was curious. He’d not been in this house since it was “finished” and it felt unbelievably right that Aaron and Liv’s things were all over the place. Aaron’s mug discarded (not on a coaster, bloody man) on the coffee table. He couldn’t help it, he moved the mug on a coaster, then turned, aware Liv was watching him.

“I’m sorry I messed your life up,” Robert said. “I never wanted that.”

“Why did you sleep with her?”

“Do you do rational things when you’re drunk?” Robert asked.

“I wreck houses, I steal wine, I don’t sleep with people I’m not married to,” Liv said and Robert nodded. It was a fair point after all.

“Why’re you off school then?”

“None of your business,” she said coldly. Then looked at him. “Was it all fake? Did you ever care about me? Or just because I was there and you had to?”

“I still care about you, Liv. I’d see you more often if I didn’t think it was just making Aaron’s life harder than it needs to be. He’s already had a hard enough life.”

“I'm skipping school because I’ve been avoiding Gabby,” Liv offered, sitting down on the arm chair, collapsing into it in a way which told Robert it‘s her chair.

“Okay,” Robert said, perching on the edge of the sofa. “Want to tell me why?” Liv looked at him as if debating how much to say.

“She went all weird when I kissed her.”

“Right,” Robert said after a beat of silence too long.

“Oh, God, I knew you wouldn’t get it either,” Liv said. “Forget I opened my mouth.”

“Liv, I am not judging you,” Robert said firmly.

“Good, because you haven’t got a leg to stand on in the judging department,” she said snidely.

“Have you told Aaron this?” he asked, guessing the answer.

“No,” she said, confirming his suspicions. “Because I know exactly what he’d say and I don’t want to hear it.”

“He’d say what?” Robert pushed, being careful to tread the line between being too forward and getting to the truth.

“He’s a very black and white person. If I told him I’d kissed Gabby, he’d assume I’m gay, and that I’m coming out to him, and there’d be no middle ground at all. He’d call me brave and a lot of other things I don’t really want to hear. Could do without that pressure to be honest with you.” Robert grinned at her. She had Aaron exactly right. “It’s not a big deal, right?” she continued.

“No,” Robert said gently. “Not if you don’t want it to be.”

“I don’t want to be stuck with a label when I’m still… sorting stuff out in my own head.”

“So if you’re avoiding Gabby, that means…”

“Yeah,” Liv said. “Not a great reaction. I don’t think she’s going to tell anyone though.”

“Why did you tell me?” Robert asked when they lapsed into silence.

“I thought you might get it,” Liv said. “You like both, right? And hey, if you tell anyone, everyone thinks you’re a liar anyway.” Robert smiled at her. He had missed her. Her attitude, her scowl.

“I miss you,” Robert said honestly.

“Don’t get all sappy on me now,” Liv said, a line that was most definitely her brothers. Robert laughed.

“Want to watch some crap daytime telly?” Liv asked.

“You actually want to spend time with me? Aren’t I…”

“A cheating rat? Yeah,” Liv said. “But it’s better than school anyway.”

“If Aaron asks, this was your idea,” Robert said, getting comfy on the sofa.

“There’s chocolate in that hidey hole you had put in in the kitchen.”

“Have you told Aaron about that cupboard?” Robert asked curiously.

“Are you kidding?” Liv asked. “He’d nick all my sweets.” Robert grinned and chucked her the remote.

* * *

 

“He’s going to go with the blonde,” Liv said, looking at the telly.

“Nope,” Robert said. “He’s siding with the other one.”

“Oh, you’re only saying that because you think he’s gorgeous,” Liv said, throwing some crisps at him.

“No, I’m saying that because he’s the one in the right,” Robert said. They had watched reruns of Jeremy Kyle and Judge Rinder all afternoon. Which while being complete trash, had been fun to argue about. And Robert had smiled, genuinely smiled for the first time in weeks. He’d missed his sister, and that’s what Liv was to him.

“Er… what the hell is going on here?” Both of them turned to the door to see Aaron looking completely bewildered.

“I er… came to see you,” Robert said, getting up from the sofa and moving into the hallway, slightly away from Liv. “I wanted to apologise. For last night, I shouldn’t have been so drunk and thrown myself at you. I’m sorry.”

Aaron shrugged, like it didn’t matter. “So… you found me not here and Liv decided to welcome you in, did she?” Aaron asked, raising his voice at the end.

“He cheated on you, he didn’t cheat on me,” Liv said tiredly.

“That’s not exactly fighting my corner, Olivia!” Robert said loudly.

“Your corner got incredibly hard to fight when you acted like a pillock!” Liv called back. Robert rolled his eyes, but found Aaron looking at him with something like amusement. It faded too quickly.

“This is hard, Rob.”

“Don’t do that,” Robert said instantly, harshly. “You always, always call me Robert. Please, don’t change that. Vic calls me Rob. So does Chas and Liv and a hundred other people. You don’t and you never have.”

“Okay,” Aaron said, not knowing how important that one little thing was to him. “Robert.”

“Thank you.” There was an incredibly uncomfortable silence between them both. “Well… I came here to apologise. I won’t do it again.”

“What, becoming blind drunk, or the sleeping with Rebecca bit?” Aaron asked.

“Both,” Robert said sincerely. “Can’t promise never to throw myself at you again though.”

“You can see Liv whenever you want,” Aaron said. “I won’t… it’s not fair of me to say you can’t.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m my own person you know!” Liv shouted from the living room. “I’ll see who I want!”

“I think you should talk to her,” Robert said, his voice low.

“She skipped today?” Aaron asked.

“Yeah, but I didn’t mean about that,” Robert said. 

Aaron narrowed his eyes. “Did she tell you she’s in trouble?”

“Just talk to her,” Robert advised. He moved to kiss him goodbye, it had been his habit for so long that it was instinctual.

“Sorry,” Robert said. “Habit.” He moved to the front door.

“Robert?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re still wearing your wedding ring,” Aaron said.

Robert curled his left hand into a fist, letting the metal catch the light. “And I will until I wake up not missing and wanting you.” He left the house and Aaron stared at the closed door for a few seconds.

“Robert says I need to talk to you,” Aaron said, going into the living room. Liv sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Even when he’s not living here, he’s annoying,” she said.

“You didn’t have to spend the day with him though,” Aaron pointed out. She shrugged, but Aaron knew that meant she missed him, whether she’d admit it or not.

“Go on, then. Spill.” Liv rolled her eyes and started to talk.


	8. Chapter 8

Robert had been in the house longer than either him or Liv had admitted to. Because the sofa smelt of him, and it made Aaron ache for him, so badly. Later that night Aaron curled up on the sofa and put his nose into the cushions, it creating a delicious need inside him. He hadn’t had sex since his wedding night, and even the scent of Robert was turning him on. That, and the memory of Robert’s eyes this afternoon. Open and honest and… beautiful. That’s what his eyes had looked like. Beautiful. When Robert looked at him like that, it took all his willpower not to invite him back into his life. Aaron reluctantly got up and went upstairs.

* * *

 

After a lot of thinking, Aaron went to see Vic again. He needed to talk about Robert and Vic was good, because as well as being a friend, she‘d found it in herself to forgive her husband for practically the same fault. 

“Come in,” Vic said absently when Aaron knocked. “I’m cooking, so you don’t mind coming into the kitchen do you?” 

“I need to talk to you,” Aaron said. “But I can come another time…?”

“Let me guess, Robert," Vic said.

“Yeah. What do you think I should do? I don’t know what to do. I…”

“Aaron, I know what you will do,” Vic said. “Eventually. You are head over heels in love with him, and he feels exactly the same. Everyone knows you’re going to take him back.”

Aaron closed his eyes. “I miss him so much.” Aaron hated the way his voice wavered as Vic looked at him sadly. “What do I do?”

“I hate him for hurting you,” Vic said. “I really do, and I want to skin him alive for it. But… you’ve had… a really bad life, and Robert helps you to deal with it. You say anything else and you’re lying. And I know Robert made you happier than anyone else ever has.”

“He did,” Aaron agreed. “He spent the day with Liv last week,” Aaron said. “The whole day at our house just watching the telly and talking to her. And when I got home it was so normal. It was the life we should have had together and they were laughing. I didn’t want him to go. She can talk to him, she can talk to him in a way she can’t with me. He‘s my family, you know? I don’t know if I’ve got it in me to throw that all away. When I know it was a one time thing, a mistake. I know that.”

“Aaron, I really can’t tell you what to do.”

“Since when?” Aaron said. Vic smiled at him

“I will say… it’ll be complicated.

“Always is with us.”

“And just because you take him back doesn’t mean it isn’t going to hurt like hell when you see Rebecca around,” Vic warned.

“It already hurts, seeing her,” Aaron said. “Whether I’m with Robert or not doesn’t really make any difference.” The door of the house opened and they both turned as Robert came in. 

“Oh, hi,” he said, seeing Aaron unexpectedly.

“I can’t leave the kitchen,” Vic said, nodding at the cooker. “You want a private conversation, go somewhere else.” Aaron and Robert moved through to the living room.

“I can go,” Robert said. “I don’t have to be here, I didn’t realise you were…”

Aaron shook his head. “I want an honest conversation,” Aaron said. “What if it were me?” Robert frowned, not following. “What if… I’d been so lonely, I missed you and was finding it hard to cope inside. All of which is true, by the way. Then I found someone who was sympathetic, who’d listen to me go on and on about you. And well, I was alone and horny and desperate, so… it was just once and it meant nothing, but I really needed someone. How would you feel?”

“Devastated,” Robert said. “I’m really hoping that didn’t happen…” Aaron scoffed, the word _hypocrite_ floating in front of his mind. “But if it did, I would try to forgive you. Because it was an unbearable situation, for both of us, Aaron.”

“But that’s easy for you to say, isn’t it?” Aaron pushed. “You’d forgive me if it were the other way around.”

“It’s not easy to say,” Robert replied. “The thought of anyone else with their hands on you drives me insane. Even if it’s only theoretical.”

“I want to try,” Aaron said quietly. “I have no idea if this will work, or if I’ll ever be able to trust you again, but I can’t let you go.” Robert’s face lit up, even if only for a moment before he pulled himself back together.

“I know you love me. And I love you, which is why this is so hard,” Aaron said. “But I miss you, so much.”

“I miss you too,” Robert said.

“And Liv misses you,” Aaron said.

“Did she talk to you the other day…?” Robert started.

“Yeah, she did,” Aaron said. “Briefly. She didn’t want a big deal made of it, so I’m not. I’m glad she could talk to you, though.”

Robert smiled slightly. “So what does "trying" actually mean?” Robert asked.

“I’m not ready to trust you again,” Aaron said. “You lie to me once more, and I really will be done.”

“I won’t lie,” Robert said.

“Maybe… you should move into the spare room in the Mill. Liv… it’s not fair to ruin her life again. I’m not sure it’s going to work between us, I’m really not but…”

“We can give it a go?”

“Yeah.”

“I will have to see Rebecca,” Robert said, reluctant to bring her name up, but knowing he had to. “I can’t help it, I’m not going to be a shit father.”

“No,” Aaron said. “I know you’re not. And I never said it‘d be easy either.”

“Thank you,” Robert said sincerely. He reached across and squeezed Aaron’s hand tightly and Aaron let him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very short one, but I feel necessary. Think this story is slowly winding down now, thank you for commenting, Kudos and giving it a chance!!

Robert moved in quietly and without fuss. He didn’t even argue with sleeping in the spare room, he knew that Aaron even offering this was a huge move for him. The plus side was that Liv was happy. She may not say it, but the grin on her face gave her away.

They settled into a kind of friendly stalemate, an uneasy truce. They were living together, but they hadn’t shared even one intimate moment. And Robert wasn’t going to push for it either. After so long not seeing Aaron everyday, waking up in the same house was more contact than he’d had with him in months. They got up, went to work, came home and watched crap TV with Liv or went to the pub. Or hung out with Adam and Vic, who were good for just forgetting for a minute or two. Robert made sure Aaron always knew where he was, always made Aaron aware if there was traffic on the roads that meant he was going to be late. To rebuild the trust would take work, and Robert was doing his absolute best to try and make it easier.

And every night, when Aaron closed his bedroom door, leaving Robert on the other side, his heart ran cold for a moment. He wanted to be with Aaron, but he knew he’d lost that right.

It was the weekends that were the toughest. Liv had her own social life, so she was taken out of the equation mostly, as was work. Which left Aaron and Robert in a house together and neither knowing how to make the first move towards trying to be a couple again, or what to say. Robert knew he couldn’t move first, but that didn’t mean he didn’t ache for Aaron. He did.

The moment came when Aaron nicked a piece of his toast, that grin on his face, that sparkle in his eyes. All things that Robert had missed so much. The accusation about stealing his breakfast died on Robert’s lips. Aaron’s humour faded too and they realised they were standing too close. Robert didn’t move a muscle, barely breathed as Aaron reached up for him and kissed him. It was so soft, not nearly enough contact for either man. Aaron pulled back and scanned his eyes over Robert’s face, almost as if counting the freckles. Then he moved closer and kissed him again, a gorgeous deep passionate kiss that had Robert moaning in seconds. It had been too long and Aaron tasted too good. “Oh God,” Robert breathed before going back for more. Aaron was more than eager, he responded and Robert closed his eyes. This had always been the part they were good at. Aaron’s fingers twined in his hair and Robert couldn’t help himself, he wrapped his arms around Aaron’s body, pulling him as close as he could get.

When the kiss came to an end, Robert found himself perched on the edge of the kitchen table, thighs open and Aaron standing between his legs. Closer than they’d been in months and Aaron seemed in no hurry to move away. “We don’t work when we cut that part out,” Aaron said quietly.

“No, we don’t,” Robert said. He leant his forehead against Aaron’s and for a moment they were content to simply exist in the same space, having found a tenuous route to each other once more.


	10. Chapter 10

It’s a boy. Robert found out today at the scan, and Rebecca had burst into tears, leaving Robert in the unfortunate position of trying to comfort her, something he’d never been really good at. The only person he actually seemed to have a knack for comforting was Aaron, though lately probably didn’t show that. Rebecca was emotional because part of her thought she’d lose this baby by now, and she hasn’t. The midwife couldn’t actually be more enthusiastic about how healthy this was going.

The bit Robert dreaded was going home and telling Aaron. Yes, it was all good with the baby, but bringing it up was just a reminder of his infidelity. They’d been kissing every day, Aaron wanting it, wanting him. But beyond the stroking of skin through clothes it hadn’t gone any further and they were still sleeping separately. Robert wouldn’t be able to put into words how much he missed Aaron physically, but the emotional side was getting there.

“It’s all good,” he said when he got home, because avoiding the subject would be worse than coming out with it. “It’s a boy.”

“Good,” Aaron said, though he couldn’t hide the pain in his eyes. “I’m glad things are going well.”

“Aaron, I’m sorry. I can’t ignore this baby no matter how much we’d both like me to. I’m not going to have my child think the things I think about my own father.”

“Robert, I know,” Aaron said. “Of course I understand. Doesn’t make it easy.”

“No,” Robert agreed. It certainly doesn’t. Aaron pressed a gentle kiss to Robert’s lips anyway, the reassurance what Robert desperately needed.

* * *

 

It took four more weeks for Aaron to open up a little further. The door to Aaron’s bedroom which had been closed religiously on him always hurt. Until one night he left it ajar, by more than a foot. Robert stood in the hall, heart racing as he debated what to do. Then he thought sod it, he wasn’t getting very far on his own, so he looked around the door frame.

“Is that an invitation, or forgetfulness?” Robert asked.

“I’m lonely.” Robert went into the bedroom and closed the door. Aaron was curled up on his side, drawn tight with tension.

“Can I sleep next to you?” Aaron nodded and Robert got into bed. It took several minutes but eventually they curled up together the way they used to be. And Robert could feel Aaron start to relax.

“Nightmare?” Robert asked.

“Locked doors. Can't escape.”

“You’re safe,” Robert said. Aaron buried into his T shirt and Robert sighed with contentment. Holding his husband felt so good.

“When did you start wearing a necklace?” Aaron asked.

“Mm? Oh!” Aaron had fingered the chain around his neck. “No, don’t…” Aaron kept pulling until he found his own wedding ring on the end of the chain. “I had to be wearing it,” Robert said.

“Take it off,” Aaron said after a moment of silence.

“No,” Robert said instantly, pulling back.

“Robert, I can’t wear it if it’s still around your neck. Take it off.” Robert smiled, realising what he meant, and did. Aaron took the ring and put it back on his finger.

“No screwing around,” Aaron said firmly.

“No drugs,” Robert countered. They both locked eyes and knew that those had been each others coping methods, for right or wrong reasons. Mostly wrong.

“Agreed.” They kissed deeply and Aaron wrapped his legs around Robert tightly. “Make love to me,” Aaron said.

“Sure?”

“I haven’t felt you in so long. Please, I need you,” Aaron murmured. Robert wasn’t one to turn down an offer like that.

* * *

* * *

 

Two days before Rebecca’s due date, they were woken at five by Robert’s phone ringing. Aaron could only hear Robert agreeing. “She’s in labour,” he said when he hung up. “I’m sorry, but I have to go.”

“I know you do.” Robert turned the light on and Aaron looked at him as he dressed. “You look scared.”

“I am,” Robert said. “Scared shitless.”

“Of what?” Aaron asked.

“The baby. What if something’s wrong? What if I make a shit father? What if you leave me anyway?”

“I’m not going to leave you as long as your jeans stay zipped,” Aaron said. The attempt at humour wasn’t well received. “I’ll get up and come with you.”

“Hospital’s just about the last place you want to be right now,” Robert said.

“But I think me being there would help you,” Aaron said. “I know how you get when you’re scared. Someone needs to keep you in line.”

“I can’t ask you to do that,” Robert said. “This is my mess.”

“ _Our_ mess,” Aaron said. “Come on.” Robert appreciated it more than he could ever say, how Aaron was including himself in this. It meant the world to him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! Thank you so much to those who stuck with this one, and I hope you like the ending!

Aaron had been waiting in the waiting room for hours. He knew he shouldn’t be here, that this was nothing to do with him, but he needed to be here for Robert, and that was more important. Every now and then Robert checked in with him, each time looking more pale, worried and nervous. He’d tried to persuade Aaron to go home several times, but he wasn’t budging. Robert appeared again at around midday, looking pale and worried.

“Baby’s heart rate’s slowing,” Robert said. “They asked me to leave the room.”

“How’s Rebecca doing?” Aaron asked.

“She’s not even really conscious any more. She is, but…” Robert took in a deep breath. “This could be bad.”

“It’ll be all right,” Aaron said, wrapping an arm around him, even though Aaron knew he couldn’t promise that. They stayed there, gently touching and waiting for news for uncounted minutes.

“Mr Sugden?””

“Don’t tell me bad news,” Robert said.

“Your son’s here,” the nurse said pleasantly.

“Is he okay?” Robert asked.

“A little bit squashed, but otherwise perfectly fine. Would you like to see him?”

“Yes,” Robert said, getting up.

“How’s Rebecca?” Aaron asked.

“In recovery,” the nurse said. “A difficult delivery, but she should be just fine.”

“Come with me,” Robert said. He couldn’t quite define the look on Aaron’s face. Pain, but something else too.

“Are you sure?” Aaron asked. “Wouldn’t want to ruin the moment.”

“I can’t believe you’re even here,” Robert said. “Whatever you want.”

“All right,” Aaron said. He followed Robert looking shifty and Robert had no idea how he was coping with this. He didn’t have much time to think about it, because soon they were in the hospital room, Rebecca asleep and the baby in a cot by her bed.

“I should go,” Aaron said quietly. He should not be here, he was not part of this happy family in any way. While he was stood debating this, Robert had picked up the baby. His son. Aaron couldn’t stop watching as Robert took a seat, his entire focus on the baby.

“Hello little one,” Robert said quietly, smiling over the bundle. “Been waiting for you.”

“Robert, I should go,” Aaron repeated. Robert looked up.

“You can if you want,” Robert said. “I know you don’t want to be here.”

“It’s not that,” Aaron said. “But it does hurt, Robert.” Robert nodded, but smiled slightly when Aaron leaned in for a kiss.

“Thanks. For everything,” Robert said sincerely. The movement jostled the baby who frowned at being disturbed.

“Looks like you. Grumpy git when being woken up,” Aaron said, making Robert smile.

“You don’t have to go.” Both men turned because it was Rebecca who’d spoken, still looking incredibly tired. “It’s not like the baby’s never going to see you.” Aaron forced a smile.

“Can I hold him?” she asked.

“I’ve only just got him,” Robert said.

“Very long labour, Robert,” Rebecca said as Robert handed the bundle over, Rebecca smiled at her child. “He hasn’t even got a name yet,” Robert said.

“Jamie,” Rebecca said. “I liked your suggestion.”

“You’re actually letting me win?” Robert asked.

“We’re agreeing,” Rebecca said instead. “I like it.” The three adults paused, all looking at the baby instead of each other.

“I want a word with Aaron,” she said.

“Oh, okay,” Robert said after a moments pause. His eyes flicked between the pair of them, and he stroked the newly named baby’s head before leaving.

“What do you want with me?” Aaron said. “It’s not like I’m involved in this.”

“You’re Jamie’s step dad, whether you like it or not,” she said. “You can’t spend your life resenting him, because I won’t allow it. It’s not his fault.”

“I know it’s not his fault,” Aaron said, looking at the baby who’d opened one eye and was staring at Aaron. He'd never thought of it in those terms, but he supposed he _was_ this child's step father. “I’m not going to forget how I feel in one day, though.”

“No,” she said. “Want to hold him?”

“I er…” Before Aaron could protest too much, he suddenly had a baby in his arms. Aaron smiled at the little face, he couldn’t help it. So innocent and brand new.

“I’m not sorry,” Rebecca said to Aaron. “That I slept with Robert. Because if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have him.”

Aaron thought about his words carefully. “But I can’t help that he’s a reminder that, for Robert, I wasn’t worth waiting for.”

“Is that what you think?” Rebecca asked. “He loves you. He was lonely and very drunk and wanted you. I… let it happen because I have low self esteem and I didn’t much care at the time that he really wanted someone else.” Aaron had nothing to say, but it seemed Rebecca wasn't finished. “He’s a better man because he loves you, and I think deep down you already know that.”

“I won’t be cheated on,” Aaron said. “How can I ever trust him again? I go away and he forgets about me.”

“You turned to drugs to cope when you were without him, trapped in prison. It might not have been right, but he turned to me once.”

“Was it once?” Aaron asked. He knew he’d been through all this, but he couldn’t resist arguing.

“Yeah,” Rebecca said. “Really not memorable either. Besides him,” she added, reaching over and stroking Jamie’s fine blonde hair.

“He looks so much like Robert,” Aaron said quietly.

“I gave Robert the offer, when I found out I was pregnant, that he wouldn’t have to be involved. I wouldn’t tell you, I’d do it on my own. The old Robert would have jumped at that, to get exactly what he wanted by lying and manipulating. But he didn’t even consider it. He is a good guy, who made a mistake.” Aaron handed the baby back.

“I know,” Aaron said. “And I do love him. We‘ll get there.”

“I think you probably will,” Rebecca said.

* * *

 

It wasn’t until two weeks later that Aaron found it within him to fully forgive Robert, to let go of the mistakes of the past and live with the life they had. It was early in the morning, and Robert was in the kitchen, rocking Jamie in his arms who was asleep, Robert facing the window.

“Managed to persuade your mummy to keep you overnight, didn’t we?” Robert said, that quiet singsong voice most people used to talk to babies. “I’ll probably hurt you. Aaron’ll tell you, I’m messed up. But I want you to know whatever it is, whatever you’re going through, you can always talk to me. I never want you to feel like you have to go through everything alone. I’d hate for you to feel so alone, the way I felt with my own father. I couldn’t talk to him, I knew he’d never accept me. I will always accept you no matter what mess you get into. I mean, I’ll still give you an earful when you deserve it, I won’t be a push over. We both know Aaron’s the pushover, isn’t he? Yes he is.”

Aaron didn’t know if he should announce his presence, but Robert carried on. “I know your family’s not… the norm. But you have so many people who love you. Your mum loves you, I love you. And you know, I think Aaron and Liv are both getting a little bit fond of you too. You’ve got the Sugden charm, haven’t you? Can persuade anyone with enough time. Don’t think I didn’t see Liv buying those booties for you the other day. I saw that.” Robert bent over and kissed Jamie’s head gently.

“Can I hold him?” Robert turned at that and stuttered, embarrassed at being caught chatting to his son.

“You want to?”

“I want to,” Aaron said. He hadn’t volunteered for much to do with Jamie, trying not to let it hurt. Robert passed the baby over carefully and Aaron smiled at him.

“Are you okay?” Robert asked concerned.

“Yes,” Aaron said, meaning it. “He reminds me too much of you to be hurt for too long.”

“Aaron…”

“We’re okay,” Aaron said. “We can do this. _I_ can do this.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Aaron confirmed.

Robert kissed him deeply.

“I love you, Robert," Aaron whispered across his lips.

“I love you too,” Robert replied. “Thank you.” They both looked at the baby who was yawning. And they both knew that they would all be okay.


End file.
